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Why did the school kids eat their homework? This is the beauty of funny affirmations. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. Short people with an umbrella. You can only be young once. 184. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 86. 139. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. What do I do for a living? If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. Breasts dont have eyes. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Breasts dont have eyes. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Need to send some positive energy your way? My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I understand success cant happen overnight. Stuart Turner, 247. 123. 1. 44. 5. 236. Read the first word again. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 72. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Albert Einstein, 190. Franklin Jones The best things in life are free. 279. 68. -Katrina Bowden. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 233. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Your words become your actions. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 267. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. ~ Bill Gates. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 246. 187. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 7. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Bill Murray, 251. 54. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 47. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 1. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 177. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 22. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Robert Bloch Why is England the wettest country? You try again, but no sound is coming out. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Sincerely, yourself., 2. I enjoy every minute of it. 6. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Really? Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". 60. East. 126. - Christopher Reeve. 115. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 127. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 168. 275. Sincerely, the floor. 176. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 115. It doesnt work if it is not open. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 1. Life always offers you a second chance. 221. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Roy Lichtenstein I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 271. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 70. Its okay if people dont like me. I always find something funny in every situation. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. 24. Because he was always spotted. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 84. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. Send me the link. 159. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 2. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. A backbone. 1. 143. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 3. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 12. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? My mom scolds me for no reason. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 32. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 7. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 188. I tried, but they wanted cash. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 100. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 228. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 158. 9. 61. Raimonda.B. 208. 140. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Happy Birthday.". Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I'm a peli-can! 219. 25. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Never let anyone waste your time twice. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I am calm, patient and at peace. I love living in my unique female body. You wanna know who Im in love with? 180. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. -Gandhi. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 2. 163. 26. So, why not team them up? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 206. 131. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. 14. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. The world is missing some pizzazz. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 70. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 3. 251. 249. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Theres no stopping me now. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Decomposing. I dont suffer from insanity. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. 150. 62. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Erma Bombeck I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. The rest are too expensive. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 188. 21. 13. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Albert Einstein. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Yeah, so is a grenade. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 197. 237. Your email address will not be published. Words have the power to make or break us. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. How do astronomers organize a party? I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 5. Funny Daily Affirmations. 145. When nothing is going right, go left. 46. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Dave Barry. Enjoy! I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. Microchips. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. East 11. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 109.