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Im supposed to just forget. I am now dating someone Ive known for 40 yrs. You do. It . I thought the second year would be easier. i even patted myself on the back when i got thru that first year. But the terrifying thing about grief is how easy it can be to function in your day-to-day life while it quietly eats away at you. I can talk about her normally without crying and the quiet and loneliness is deafening. Its the awful realization that she is really gone and will never return and be a part of my life again. The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. xx. Megan truly gets it. He came into my life defending me from a bully. Breathe. But heres my two cents. Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. Do I really like this person. "It will lessen as we learn to cope with it," she insists. They got to return to their life. You see as more time passes, the enormity of the loss is more amplified. Its been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. My heart is breaking. I pray daily for all who mourn the death of a loved one or pet, O my, thankyou. thought in his body. Im staying alive for my daughter but I miss him so much, I dont know how Im going to live the rest of my life without him. I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. It all came back like it was the first few days after he passed. And yes the expectation is there that you a get close on with things. Many days feel worse than year one. What followed her death was aweful . I do hope this helps someone or anyone who is going through a really hard time. Good luck., I feel your pain. Im 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we cant hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, I wont say Im sorry for your loss, though I am, I would like to say I am happy for your gain, in having a love that deep in the first place and still holding it close. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. Told me of the hallucinations and her mind was telling her I was cheating, so far from the truth. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. Thank you for your thoughts. It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. I sometimes wonder why I cant let go. Be there to listen and comfort them. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. They came to everything I was involved in from adolescence into adulthood. I have no one to ground me to this life. Peace be with you!! It was unexpected his passing we have been together since freshman year highschool have two LIVING boys 2 and 3 years old. He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. It was hard at first to do anything but now going grocery shopping is getting easier once I am in the car. I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. I can talk to them. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. Slightly better than being alone perhaps but when he is away the loneliness is shattering. I shall not know in this lifetime. I truly wasnt planning to fall in love like I did with Richard. Absolutely no warning. I know how you feel since I knew my husband 58 years and we were married just short of 56 yearsan eternity and he passed away Jan 2019. I still cry for him. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. How can we possibly ever recover. I dont know. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. I have had a fight with depression most of my life. I told brothers in the live video I did about a month ago. I I try to take steeps forward. All me best regards. I look around my town and I see so many changes and I hate it because everything reminds me of Mum every shop that closes down that Mum used to visit leaves me heaving. What happened to me ( Im 16 months in) was I have not had a nights sleep for weeks ,looking after my partner. Uthayanan SETHUPATHY. Having lost my Mother when I was young @ 29. Dont compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. She died of complications from a routine surgery, and from the time I took her to the ER until she died it was only 2 weeks. 4. Worse even if you can believe it. Its like a scar that sometimes bleeds. Now, I dont cry as often. A bomb went off in our home and hearts. 32+ Remembrance Messages For A Death Anniversary | Ever Loved I miss him deeply . This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said Dont Do That! I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). I was so blessed to have him. Truth is, he would be angry if I didnt try, and try hard. Theres a spot right around where my heart is that just aches and aches and aches. He has been gone for 15 months. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. When the ship is first wrecked, youre drowning, with wreckage all around you. For the first month I couldnt have a conversation or finish a sentence. Thats hard at 69 . DATEDIF - Google Docs Editors Help My only advice from a husband perspective is dont be afraid to find someone to love again. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. I lost my dad n 2009, my mom 2011, & most recently my husband 2016 after 35 yrs of marriage. We just put one foot in front of the other, dont we? . Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. If I can last that long. I rushed his funeral as I didnt want it going into the next year. The first year was filled with a kind of silliness, overall weirdnessi guess from shock..i was busy with the estate stuff and running around getting the legal things done i had to do. Year 3 I thought it has to get easier, and in many ways it has. My best friend's mother had passed away. I know how you feel. There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. I just want to isolate myself so people wont try to tell me to feel better when I cant. A verse in the song does Its not something you get over, its something you get through anyhow sorry for the long story sometimes it helps. I wish you the best on your journey. I miss him every second of the day, that will never change. There is hope; the sun does shine again. She was trying she (rehabs counseling etc.) It was 5 months ago today when it was the sad passing of Queen Elizabeth II. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. There is a heaviness that is constantly on my chest. He was 84 & I am 65. He was the love of my life and like others above, no one could ever take his place. He was my everything. Anyone else lost 2 sisters or siblings at young ages who can at least relate on why at almost 2 years post second loss I am experiencing deep depression and complete apathy sure I fake it and smile when one is cued because I dont know how to anymore. The little things that you wished you would have done more often, the I love yous you didnt say enough, even the Im sorry, just being able to hold them again, to have them come home. I am just into my second year and the intensity of grieving seems to have increased. (February 21, 1940 July 17, 2020) John R. Lewis, who died of pancreatic cancer, was the last surviving speaker of the 1963 March on Washington. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. David Bowie dies of cancer aged 69 - BBC News - BBC - Homepage I have another son my oldest he is 27 and he is my rock right now. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. Our hope is in Heaven. seems to be hitting me harder this year. I lots my Mum 2 months before my partner and broke my ankle 2 weeks before he died.I have also moved house because he left the house we lived in to his sonhonest!! I miss my best friend so much and really feel I cant talk with anyone about what I feel going into this 2nd year. It is definitely worse now than at the beginning, I was numb for a long time, but now i am exposed and raw, and I can cry for England. But I keep hitting brick walls. Now I was worried am I on the rebound am I needing to be with anyone . come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. We were only married a year and a half. It doesnt feel any better or easier. At night I look at the sky and make a wish on the brightest star I see, believing it is you. But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. Hopefully as more time passes it will get easier. Ive felt lonely and sometimes I dont know how to cope with the loss and pain. It has been 14 mths now and it doesnt get any easier, if anything harder as it becomes more real. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. I do have 3 friends that lost their sons the same summer as mine. Now we are in the holiday season. I'm in my 16 month. I wish I were there to give you a hug. I pray I will soon be better. you learn to live with it, this is so true. It has been two and half years for me and it is not getting better some days I think it is getting worse. Any suggestions. I finally went to the ER and ask what had happened, I was told that they were trying to helped him and the nurse asked me if there was anything happening or saw something on him the day before, I said nothing but our daily routine, then the ambulance came but left after a few minutes and I was told the ambulance was clean, I asked her what do you mean by clean? This year, it seems as if my thoughts revolve around all the treatment my deceased wife got that didnt help, treatments she could have received, and a yearning for one more. One more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself What happened? I still cant believe hes gone. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. I dont have any children or grandchildren either, just my 4 dogs. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. I cry everyday and into the night, have no interest or desire to engage with other people, and I miss him so Be free. I have my cats but they are getting old too. Hiya Holly. I still feel completely ruined. At 66 tomorrow, birthday week for both of us. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I was a nurse for 17 yrs, and I could see the signs. But.. Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. Im beyond lost. I was with my husband since 17 years old and 46 years married. I was married 63 years and took care of my husband for his last 2 years. I felt silly doing it, but she probably had a point. I am conflicted as I proceed. I lost my husband of 57 years two years ago and cant adjust. God Bless and Congratulations on your educational pursuits. I am 54 now. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. He is the best person to talk to. The first year was so very painful that I couldnt even bare having the dog around that he loved so much, that I gave him away. He was strong he overcame so much I expected him to overcome this. But mostly hurt and emptyness. I cant function. Its the hardest thing to go through. Just watching and being involved with the babies sometimes . Now in year two Im dealing with unresolved grief for my daughter and the emotions I pushed so far down are now bubbling to the surface. Synonyms for PASSED AWAY: fallen, gone, deceased, declining, departed, defunct, lifeless, deteriorating; Antonyms of PASSED AWAY: live, alive, living, existing . My everything. tool to check the status of your refund within 24 hours of e-filing. The love of my life died almost 10 months ago, and I hardly remember a day. God Bless, I understand where youre coming from Sharon. It's been 20 years since you passed. | by Christine | Medium Im just beginning my second year after losing my husband of 50 years. Maybe its some physical thing. I dread Christmas. I am up and down. Its been 2 years since my mom died. Why Your Dog's Death May Be The Most Difficult Event Of Your Life At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. So I had my children to worry about also now the puppies and my husbands family member. memories we had together. Keep going- it will get more tolerable. How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent - Tiny Buddha Although we got to say our good byes. Weve held 2 Motown and Northern Soul Charity Nights in his memory to raise money for Brain Tumour Research and Bloodwise (blood cancer charity. He passed on January 28, 2018. My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts. She lived with me & my husband after my brother passed & I had to watch her suffer & die. (Still not sure how I managed to give birth to 4 children!). I lost my mum very suddenly on the 18 January 2017. I never get a reply. Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. I did the grief therapy, grief counseling, etc., that I was to do during the 1st year. that is life. -I am also 16 months on from losing the love of my life,knew her when we were 12 years old,but never got together until we were 31 years old ,god i miss her terribly she was my rock,I can actually say that time does heal a little bit,but as someone says to hold to kiss to hug one last time,we know also that wouldnt be enough dont we,i long to see her again hopefully i will,I think time does heal but i do not want to forget my wife , who knows what the future holds,but will never be the same,sory for my ramblings just found this site and every comment hits home god bless people xx, My husband of 45 years died 13 months ago. So numb. It has been 6 months since the first dog's death, Nugget. I pushed my way through year one, just knowing that if I could make it through that then all would be better. Strange to say but after reading all the comments I feel validated. The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. Im still waiting for the Universe show me the way. Its been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. Guided meditation is so co forging and helpful to me! I wish you peace. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as I lost my French wife nearly the same condition. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. Just keep living until you feel alive again, My life died October 26 2016 They then called us to get in the room where he was, he was there lying on the bed surrounded by doctors and nurses, he was hooked on tubes a lot of tubes with the machine that was pumping real hard, my oldest daughter that was with me was screaming, we love you so much dad, you can do this etc. All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. He was 36yrs old. My life feels now like I am walking on a tightrope carrying a boulder in my arms. According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. Lost my wife of 35 years on 01/16/17 from early onset dementia. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. Its just about me now. Initially, I felt shocked. But I have many things I need to do first before then. But I never did. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. I spent the first year in tears, confusion, shock, and disbelief. ENSRD. Told us he had stage 4 lung cancer. how nice it would be to have friends who are dealing with similar grief. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. He was my best friend as well as my Father. This is my first time reading all the posts. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. I miss him terribly and find it hard not to be talking to him or holding him. Dear Dad, It's been one year and one month since you're gone. I am hosting the in-laws. He was forty four the first heart attack. I feel like you, a lot of my fears are gone. I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. But you know what just like people say theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. One day at a time! I feel ache all over my body. Lewis, 23 years old at the time, was the youngest "Big Six" leader to address the thousands-strong demonstration. He was my life. I understand what you are going through. I broke down n a Lowes store, felt ridiculous, & left. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. My grandma died on November 1st, and my oldest sister died somewhat unexpectedly on December 22nd. Waiting for that day. Stay strong during this difficult time, and know we are always here for you. I lost my mother, almost two years ago. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and Im.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I dont eat or sleep he was my soul mate how does life go on, I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didnt really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad. It doesnt help relieve the pain, but it does help to know I am not going crazy; that there are others who are grieving so intensely. That actually happened a few times 2 of which seemed very real. i have so little motivation to work. It helps me to know that although I feel alone, I am not alone in my emotions. Were in the club that no one wants to join. I often feel isolated and on the edge of all thats real. He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. Im sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. Some days are better than others. You need to feel the pain and work through it! Im in 18 months of losing my mother/best friend to sudden loss. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we I had thirty years of marriage she was everything to me all I had known since eighteen.I had counselling through myself back into work and seemed to be coping acknowledging every milestone with great sadness. For a long time, fear of dropping the ball was governing my life. Nearly five months after their pregnancy news made headlines, Herron and Brown revealed that their newborn son, Oliver, died prematurely at 24 weeks. Life is fleeting, indeed. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. I find myself taking too him when I get in bed I totally understand. Loneliness: 5 "Don'ts" If You're Lonely After Loss I feel horrible. It was more than a human can handle but. Its the holiday season now. married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a tiny ways is has, just very hard to move Finding it hard to move one still. Two months have passed. But it doesn't know you will always live in my memory. I am a very strong person, but I longed for information and stories from other widows. I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly. The third year I thought everything was fine. Checked in with my little nephew to see how he's been holding uphe told me that he wish he had more time with her. The good news is you're the pilot." -". My boyfriend of many years died of congestive heart failure and I cry because of his suffering. They call that your new normal. That is strangely comforting to remember that. The former Bachelor in Paradise star penned a . My husband died after a failed kidney liver transplant in October. He died within days of me telling him. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. Death can be attractivethe end of the torment of loss, but I implore you to think of what you may still offer others and perhaps even find peace and joy in while living. I wish someone would share some hope.. something to inspire me to keep going. It NEVER stops hurting. He was so close to me just like a little brother. I know its difficult. My great uncle Moe Doerfler will be gone for 2 years on September 23rd and I sure miss him. . I was 18 when we got together. Every time I see a truck like he drove it brings back my pain. I truly am because we as grievers know that loss is not the complete word. I have been crying for him now for two days solid, praying every night that he will come for me. Also took her mind of it to for a bit. It has to get better it cant stay this hard always:-(. The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). Worst thing Ive ever gone through. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. Grief, Lost Emotions, and Feeling Numb After a Death | Thriveworks Just like so many of you who have graciously shared your journey here, when grief came, I too found myself unable to stand, lying on the floor and calling out his name, over and over again. Its not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel! I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. Roger. Holly, He was diagnosed with Through Cancer 1 week and died 5 weeks later. the worst thing I did, was telling a 7 years old his dad wont be coming home, I heard the loudest screamed in my life, the screamed saying get my dad back ,I want him home. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. Thank you Megan, you helped save my life. I lost my husband of 46 years , on our anniversary, just wam, bam out of the blue in summer of 2016. In 2016 diagnosed stage 4 cancer in July Dr said aggressive cancer and he wont see Christmas, I couldnt breathe or talk I felt numb. I just cant believe hes gone. I believe the first year I was numb. Yes there are periods of NO pain but never a time without remembering as one goes about lifes daily activities . Im 67 now. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. One day it will be my turn. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. You might even expect that of yourself. And usually in his favourite colours. I miss him so much and still feel so lost without him. He was in and out of the hospital for months and then a small mass was found on his lung. We were married 33 wonderful years and I cherish the time we had. After being married for 42 years. -R, I feel so sad reading your story. Feel it and carry it as far as you can.