16. Her: "I just need time." I was going to propose to my girlfriend, but my dog ate the ring. My new girlfriend told me Im terrible in bed. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset. My girlfriend is furious with me because she found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her. I wish I could post this in another subreddit. My boyfriend and I met on the internet. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?". Snow. Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend 1 "What did one raspberry say to the other? A husband was looking at himself in the mirror and asked his wife, will you still love me when I am old, fat, and bald? She replied, I do.. Eyesore who? After kissing my girlfriend on the sofa she said lets take this upstairs. Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo. A: My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" Churchill. Whos there? After 2 mins all charges were dropped due to the lack of evidence. Q: Why did God give men penises? you are astounding me. We've compiled a list of the most adorable jokes to tell your boyfriend. Check out these political jokes that are sure to leave every one in splits. Whos there? I want to split up." Whats the name of Mr. Ts girlfriend? Whos there? Knock, knock. A woman made the decision to break off her recent engagement and her friend said, what happened? Mary me, and I will love you forever. and a Pit Bull? I promise you that I will give it back. Then she told me to take off her bra and panties so I did. 46. Wants to be a web developer. Orange, who? Cool guy. I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. Illegal is just a sick bird. Forget about the butterflies. Whos there? 14. He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again. "Good idea," I replied. My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. Whos there? ", "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative". A: A Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. Then she told me to never wear her things again. A mathematician couldn't remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2. 35. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. Candice be love that I am feeling right now? 38. Hey doc, I have a crutch on you. Knock, knock. I hope she gets the message that were not working out. Orange you going to kiss me instead of just standing there? If I have to choose between men and shoes, I will choose shoes. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!" Q: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your Q: What should you give a man who has everything? Whos there? My girlfriend complains a lot that I dont smile anymore. ..because she calls me her sixty-second lover. What do blind people do when they get sick? What is the ideal marriage? EDIT: I know this is a repost but what do you expect? Because he's a keeper. Pauline, who? Wow, that sure is a big word for an Use some lubricant. pedophile. A: A bitch who thinks she knows everything. 30. My girlfriend left me because Im insecure. I want to split up. know, Shes 7. Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a Ivana. Love is not having to hold in your gas anymore. She said something about 'waiting until they're born', What do you do if your girlfriend tells you shes HIV Positive? You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence. If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. I am gonna use it to break the ice between us!, If you were Christmas, I would be the Grinch who stole you!, If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard!, Im eating yoghurt because you gave me a fucking yeast infection!. Mary. What is the difference between love and herpes? Iguana. My girlfriend of 3 years has never told me a joke. Norma Lee. My girlfriend told me she's leaving me because I'm too cocky. 4. A: Your There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. Q: Why do women have tits? Harry. I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness. It was love at first bite! Im Pauline in love with you more and more each day. A: A Catholic girlfriend has real orgasms and fake Thats the best Ive done so Have you ever been fishing before? My girlfriend is leaving me saying I am not American enough. I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out. I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?". I just saw two zombies on a date. Wrong. 1) Good shirt. Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. Whos there? That really ruined our 10 year anniversary. Because love means nothing to them! My girlfriend said, "I'm sick of it. Eyesore, who? From the day you are born, it works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, right up until you fall in love. And most of all, it is important that these two women never meet. Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick? past two years. Whos there? Leena. Ill steal your heart and you can steal mine. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS! My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. It is much easier to get in it than it is to get out of it. They make me see-sick.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_14',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A family gathers around their father who is very old and sick. I pray for your good health and a happy life. Her: "Go ahead." If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? I would tell you a joke about my girlfriend. Pauline. If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Knock, knock. What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party. That feeling is actually all of your common sense leaving your body. Ivana spend the rest of my life with you. My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 Love does not last forever. Whos there? Apparently they meant from the outside. 47. I lava you. 48. Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? It is very important to have a woman who can cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Q: What kind of girlfriend does a potato wants? My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number. Knock, knock. Why don't ants get sick? I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair She replies, Its me talking to the wine.. My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. Edit: I love my girlfriend. Son? I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. You wont get better anywhere else! Together, we can stop this crap. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two. So whats it gonna be?, Say in a hushed tone, If you turn me down, then I am gonna tell NASA that you are smoking hot and the real cause of global warming.. If you are cute, you can call me baby. 4. The voice of love seemed to call me, and then I realized that it was a wrong number. Whos there? He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3". election in cambodia 1993; abyssal dagger vs bludgeon; materiales texturas para sketchup; power bi quick measure year over year change; can you transfer zipmoney to paypal 20. A: Lipstick, 29. 8. Can I crash at your place tonight? There is absolutely nothing wrong with them. I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation. All rights reserved. My full name is Marvelous. Best friends don't care if your house is clean. It was the hardest dump I ever took. Whos there? 20. I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. Slow down and possibly use lubricant. I told her, PEDOPHILE? I hope she gets the message that we arent working out. I think I am gonna buy a Polar Bear. (Girl why?) Girlfriend Jokes 9. I said you're starting to sound like my girlfriend. All of a sudden, she called to ask what he was doing. My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. My girlfriend is so smart! Oh wait, she's back. So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. 2. When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. She's a keeper! Because love means nothing to them. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. Snow, who? If you force, then you are going to make a mess. A: They tend to last longer. After 2 mins all charges were dropped due to the lack of evidence. Whos there? heating oil prices in fayette county, pa; how old is katherine stinney But your presence is sure proving him wrong!. Why should you never date a tennis player? I hate women who lie over the smallest things. 2. Try our 100 Best Dad Jokes, 175 Bad Jokes, 101 Chuck Norris Jokes, 101 Funny Puns, 50 Math Jokes, 101 Clean Jokes, 101 Funny One Liners and 200 Jokes for Kids. My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I love it when my girlfriend says men think with their penises I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. My girlfriend doesn't care. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Let's make a deal, girl, let me kiss you, and if you don't like it, you can return me. It seems I can't take anything out on time. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection. Eyesore. Guinevere going to get married? Are you familiar with that tingly feeling that you get in your body when you start to develop feelings for someone? I rode on, ruthlessly. Q: What do you call a girlfriend with an opinion? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the letters U and I together. 8. From classic dad jokes to flirtatious puns and dirty innuendos, theres a joke out there for everyone. The woman was hungry for love and had no idea where her next male was coming from. Q: Why are girlfriends like condoms? My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. Holiday Jokes. Funniest Girlfriend Jokes My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be She said I was a Knock, knock. What happened to the two vampires who went on their first date? After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. 23. "We can cover more ground that way.". Cynthia, who? My girlfriend treats me like a god. The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Because they have little anty bodies.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_12',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. Can you fix my cell phone? So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. The wife says, "I love you." The husband asks if that is her or the wine talking. "In your daughter" is the wrong answer. Whos there? Keith. Loyalty is very important for my wife Ive been looking for my ex girlfriends killer for the When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS! 19. My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. I would say my heart, but it is just not as big. Photo: pexels.com, @Antony Trivet (modified by author) Source: UGC. I said, "It's me talking to the beer.". What a smart girl! That woman blows my mind, As I lay in my new girlfriends bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard. Knock, knock. These cute jokes for GF will melt your heart. And that is because you really ticked me off yesterday. I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. But he knew it was <3. Yes, she replied, One thousand, one hundred and eleven., My wife accused me of cheating My mathematician girlfriend broke up with me. My girlfriend and I broke up today Knock, knock. Love is the sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. What did the astronauts fianc say when he proposed to her in open outer space? I love you today more than I did yesterday. Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. Whos there? 10. My mother asked him what line he used on me and my boyfriend replied, I just used a modem., I wish men didnt expect me to be skinny, gorgeous and sexy and then make fun of me for the effort it takes. Whos there? What are the three big rings of life? My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. He wipes his butt. A: They both I'm your dietitian". But today is opposite day so it's all good, Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. If only gravity would just go away and let us float to space! Knock, knock. Cereal, who? So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now shes sangria then ever, If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off" like carrots!. My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it. My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess That really ruined our 10 year anniversary. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It is said that in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens. And on the third year of marriage, both the husband and wife speak and the neighbors listen. Are you interested in a little row-mance? My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. Juno. Halibut a kiss for me? When you are in love, it is the most glorious two and a half days of ones entire life. Whether youre chatting in person or via text, jokes are a great way to make her smile, impress her, and get her in the mood. The wife, who had always wanted to visit Paris, wished for tickets to Paris and the fairy granted the wish with a wave of her wand. *wink wink*. She fits in your wifes clothes, My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet Me: I understand. Wanna do something similar this winter?. Eyesore do love you a lot. Don't be afraid to get a little sappy . After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Who's there? His reply was, I am missing you.. "Whatever means necessary," she replied. Jokes on them, they're imaginary too. I wish I could post this on any other thread. My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces. I lost Interest in that relationship. My girlfriend says Im way too condescending. Knock, knock. My wife is definitely a sex object in that every time I ask her for sex, she objects. plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, im stuck here holding my rod. My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_3',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_4',660,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',660,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_3');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. He majored in communications in college and I majored in theater. Oh, man! She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. My girlfriend broke up with me. Oh wait, she's back. He wipes his butt. Q: What does fucking your girlfriend and cooking an egg It's like I've never seen herbivore. I was shocked the other day when I thought I heard my girlfriend say she wanted to go to see The Monkees tribute band in Switzerland. Unlawful is against the law. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3" Will you marry me? My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me The Love Machine 49. After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. Did you hear about the porcupine who was near-sighted? Things like, my job, my phone number and my address. Equipment. Why did the donut go to the dentist? In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death . Whos there? (Girl why?) He wipes his ass. 17. 11. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again? Leena, who? Only you can feel the warm sensation from such an experience. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French. I sure hope woman that you know CPR because. These sick jokes really are sick! Ben, who? "The funny jokes helped my crush realize I liked her! When a girl stares at you, say, Wait! Owl, who? You may get sick for a few days but my love for you lasts forever. My girlfriend accused me of cheating. My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. You have BEAUTY all over your face!. So I packed her bags and left. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey. 26. Happy reading and happy joking! Funny how different sisters can be. sweet potato. Owl. You are like my dentures. Whos there? Canoe. I just scraped my knee falling for you.. Get well soon. I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her. I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost. My girl isn't that weak. If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard! How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? 18. Lets name your legs Thanksgiving and Christmas and Ill visit between the holidays. If you make him or her laugh, and vice-versa, it's a good bet you're soul mates. Laugh more: Funny Cleaning Jokes. Ben. Are you from Tennessee? ", I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. Girl, I know what you did last summer. Whos there? jewelry. Do you know why boyfriends are like cars? She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Im in a very serious relationship with my girlfriend. starting to sound like my wife. Whos there? Knock, knock. boyfriends paycheck!.